All things Strange, have a short shelf life

P: I dont think that was a contrarian decision.

Narrator: When your in a creative disposition, thats an irkful remark that stares at you when you look at the mirror and like a ghost, its haunting.

C: So because I’m creative, everything I do should be eccentric? The day job, the normal clothes and anything pop are all out of place?

P: Hey I didnt mean to offend your talents…..

Narrator goes into a monologue:

I remember being caught in a maze of stereotypes when I visited a design school. Many boys had long hair, sometimes in neon colors, sometimes in dreads, girls were tonsure. And then there were the androgynous clothes and behaviors that were initially amusing.

What I have noticed about being a veteran contrarian is that a large number turn into a cynic who disposes off any idea that seems even faintly familiar, or  retire into a regular who rejects anything offbeat. In the midst of all the exhibitionism many forget that creativity, contrarian views, original ideas are all the stuff that happens inside your mind. The body is merely a reflection of how you want others to see you. A helpful conversation starter, attention grabber, or an image that persists while your holidaying in the afterlife.

The ironic thing about being a contrarian (and the part I have most fun thinking about) is that an abnormal trait exhibited but for an extended period, results in its un-contrarian-ness. And at this point there can be two conclusions: the contrarian idea was successfully accepted by society, or it matched another stereotype.

Jae Rhim Lee is a real contrarian:

I built a mobile urine recycling system with a urinal, urine processing system, foam bed, serving table, and a hydroponic napa cabbage garden.

I ate lots of spinach, tofu, and nuts; collected and processed my urine; grew napa cabbages hydroponically with the urine, made kimchi from the napa cabbages, and served the kimchi to the public.

The project discussed in the quote above has meaning, its unusual and its not a simple hairstyle change, but a complete contrarian package. Now unless you can do stuff like this, that causes a thought process in other beings, enjoy being normal for normal sake, do normal things so you can appreciate all the peculiarities of life and perhaps even create some.

All things strange, have a short shelf life of being strange.

What Motivates Me to Write Today…

The Business of Motivation

Douglas Kenrick from Arizona University has recently prescribed a new Maslow’s Pyramid

• Parenting
• Mate Retention
• Mate Acquisition
• Status/Esteem
• Affiliation
• Self- Protection
• Immediate Physiological Needs

Compare this with Maslow’s Pyramid

• Self Actualization
• Esteem Needs
• Love and Belonging Needs
• Security Needs
• Physiological Needs

(Do read: Lisa Belkin from the New York Times extrapolates in a lovely article here)

We need to Understand Better the Intangible Elements of Motivation. Redefining Elements Seems Secondary

Self- actualization, the duo-words which I’ve repeatedly used to prescribe my purpose of existence is now replaced by Parenting. There are nuances and the story is really not as bluntly told as I write here and Kenrick does take time to mention them. He suspects quite cleverly ” …self actualization is also simply an expression of the more evolutionarily fundamental need to reproduce…” 

But the pyramid diagram does not reflect these nuances at first glance. So I shall continue. Because it is possible that in due time the contents of the paper maybe forgotten, only the diagram prevailing. I think replacing ‘Self-actualization’ with a more role specific  ’Parenting’ raises more questions than answers. 

I wouldnt be writing this article if it was another pyramid, claiming another theory. I am writing this article because it is Maslow’s Pyramid and it holds dear to my heart.

You see the new pyramid to me translates to : The opening scene from ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ where Toula describes her life’s goals:

“Cause nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life:

• Marry Greek Boys
• Make Greek Babies
• Feed everyone till the day we die”

I do understand the need for focusing on parenting for our generation. We are obsessed with our careers and financial statements. But more creative solutions to influence the public mindset would have impressed me, rather than suggest change in a dead guy’s work. You see Maslow didnt work with statistics from neuroscience. He worked with observing and inferencing. Kenrick’s research could have led to newer models which could prove more useful. In a time where live-in relationships and single-moms are common, how is mate-acquisition below parenting in the pyramid? Neuroscience may have grown. But societal constructs have changed. People multi-task more, there are more gadgets, conveniences, self-help guides for your aspirations.

That being said, Chip Conley’s interpretation of the pyramid 

• Transformation
• Success
• Survival

is an interesting modernization of Maslow’s vision. His talk on TED focusses on the tangible and intangible values that may be required to measure. This is a great area for research. How do we measure intangible aspiration elements? I think Chip asks the right questions, we need to understand how to measure our elements of motivation, rather than defining them.

Asking the Right Questions

In an aim to modernize Maslaw’s Hierarchy, we could focus on defining the elements in the pyramid for the new generation, understanding how it changes with culture, religion, sex, age, teams, businesses, governments, environments, childhood etc.

…Today I have found an example on how presentation of an idea can have a huge impact in its acceptance in the public. I may never have read Kenrick’s work but for his comparison with Maslow’s Pyramid. 

+ & -

-: What do you think of me?

+:Umm..I find you very negative. 

-: But thats how my life has been. You know. I made some wrong choices. I wish someone was there to guide me. I lost years of my life.

+:Life is how you take it. Use whatever happened to your advantage. I agree its harder to do that when you’ve lost a limb or a loved one or your entire reputation on the internet. But the situation is not such with your case.

-: [After making a mental note never to buy anyone copy of Pollyanna] But you do that to make yourself happy and to move on. Because there is nothing you can do about it. You +, are living a lie.

+: The truth is there is nothing you can do about it. No matter what you do your past defines you. So gracefully let it define you. And that does not mean Im lying to myself. If you spent time glooming over the past, a) you’ll never find a way out of it b) never get to tomorrow c) probably make tomorrow worse than yesterday well after the event is over anyway. 

-: I find you too positive.

+: Different people work differently. Alot of geniuses had bipolar disorders or suffered from bouts of depression, spent months of not doing anything, wasting themselves. It made them see things differently. Thats what defined them as a genius. And its always easier to compare yourself with them with the “Im the miserable unnoticed genius” self-pity. The difference is that a genius is always focussing, even when wasting oneself, even under bouts of depression. The depression is because their focus takes control over themselves.

When you do turn out to be a genius I will be proud of you. Irrespective of whether you are positive or negative.

-: You dont get me. Originality and expression and art is always under-appreciated.

+: Disagree. Originality takes longer to be understood. The world doesnt need original today. The world needs original for tomorrow. If you feel your work is such, stick to it with your guns and face the world. If you give up, you will feel miserable when somebody else executes what you were thinking. You see great ideas float in the universe and different kinds of brains react to them. Which is why many great ideas were published at around the same time.

-: I need to leave. Good evening.

+: Apologies. I wasnt trying to preach. I just guess we are different people.

-: Yeah. You have changed alot.

The Witness

Sarandon: Why is it that do you think people get married?

Jenkins: Passion

Sarandon: No

Jenkins: Interesting, because I would have taken you for a romantic

Sarandon: Because we need a witness to our lives. Theres a billion people on the planet. I mean what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage you promising to care about everything, the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all the time, everyday. Your saying your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.

Marriage is a construct of society to create a system where a witness can be provided to your life, and to create other lives too. Its this process that has been beautifully ingrained with our basic needs.

Our Ancestors defined Witnesses for Genes

Today it maybe “uncool” to have an arranged marriage, because we live in a largely democratic world in which we make our own choices. But when I saw Michael Woods explaining that the first human gene (M130) has been found amongst people in one village near Madurai I felt I found an explanation(watch video from 7th minute).

The reason why this gene could be preserved for over 70000 years is that they practiced marriages within the family (traditionally arranged marriaged were organized within family members, a parent’s opposite sex sibling, or offsprings were eligible). It may be possible that centuries ago, people felt the need to preserve genes, tribes, cultural traditions through a marriage decided by society.

And they were willing to take the risk. 

Most novel mutations are at least partly recessive, and inbreeding should accentuate their negative effects. Many weird genetic disorders come from Pakistan and Saudi Arabia, where there is a strong tradition of first-cousin marriage.

Conversely, people of mixed ancestry should show the benefits of concealing recessive mutations. And this, I suspect, is the true meaning of Saira Mohan: half Punjabi, quarter Irish, quarter French and altogether delightful. She, too, is a mutant – but a little less so than most of us. (Read More)

We define Witnesses for checklists

Today, if you could analyze the ratio of divorces between love and arranged marriages, you’d see its hard to make a correlation. Its hard to predict what kind of a spouse will run away with a twenty something when your fifty. Its hard to predict how people change with time. Its hard to predict if easterners are less likely to divorce than westerners because they both live in different cultural constructs.

The problem is that we all have these vague images in our heads about our witnesses and we try to map some unknowing individual to it. I call these the “checklist”. The money, the car, the pretty face, the great body, the intelligence, the MBA degree, the green card.

The checklist is important. And especially when you start breeding. Trophy wives and charismatic husbands are great to have. Irrespective of whether they came out from a internet portal, were handpicked by your parents, or you bumped into them when life happened.

But the point that we all miss out is that love however you find it, is not about the flutter in your heart, its not about the roses on valentines day. Love is about unconditionally trusting someone, feeling protective of someone. When you are busy ticking off your checklist, you forget to spend time on the actual things.

A close friend demystified it like this…”True love only makes you stronger”.  If something makes you weak and dependent then it isnt love (even though it may have been in the past) and you should be on your way out anyway. So whether you find it years before marriage, years after marriage, in multiple marriages, in your work, in your hobbies, it doesnt really matter, as long as you find yourself stronger everyday. Thats life. 

Passion with fruit

Experience rules over knowing
Imagination is shyer  from experience, but bolder than knowing
Passion dominates experience

So if there were two people: One with passion and imagination, the other with experience and knowing, who would you pick to get the job done?

The former would be risky, but more driven. The latter would be less risky, not necessarily less driven, but quite likely wont push the boundaries, because one with experience and knowledge is often blurred by opinions.

I guess the choice is made depending on the cost of affordance. And that more often is a managerial decision.

Blink.

Racing with the Rats, but in a Cage

Q: How do you think the world will be saved?

L: A pretty vague question I must say…

Q: Post recession alot of you would have read articles here and there on how either ‘Right Brainers’ or ‘High IQ Geniuses’ will save the world from the follies of the market economy we live in and stay ahead of the rat race.

L: Ah! I understand where you are coming from…brings to mind this experiment that is cited in Bloom’s book.

…At the Rockefeller University, Jay Weiss hooked 192 rats by their tails to a live electric wire. Some of the rodents were given a control switch to turn of the current. This experiment continued over a few days and the health of the rats were monitored. Eventually the rats without the control levers ended up scrawny, unkempt, and ulcerated while those who could slam the current off stayed reasonably plump and fit…

We can talk about the cruelty of this experiment another day. 

Q: I was going to bring that up!

L: For now, we’ll talk about the thing called ‘Opportunity’. And having access to it.

Q: Are you saying that talent doesn’t matter?

L: What I am saying is that what actually matters is knowing and seizing the opportunity. Being there. Talent aids definitely. But while its interesting to say the world will be saved by special people, it really will be saved by people who do something about it.

Q: So what your saying is…

L: Comic books are for children. When you grow up don’t wait for the hero. Be one. [Wink]. 

Q: hmm. How is that connected to the rat experiment?

L: [Smiles]. Well that demonstrates the importance of having choice. The importance of having opportunity which can make and break people, even the ‘Right Brainers’ or ‘High IQ Geniuses’. Luckily you and I have more than a switch for opportunity. 

L: Now I have a question for you.

Q: Shoot

L: You always talk about this rat race. But why doesnt anybody get the point that the race is inside a cage and that there’s a whole new world outside it?

What’s in your Backpack?- The Travel Buddy

I once rambled on with this been-there-done-that guy who travels endlessly on a bike. “I really want to travel around” I said. He looked at me and said “Its always more fun to a travel buddy, someone with whom you share a similar spirit with”.

I let it pass. Lone wolf that I am.

Only months later I found out how wise those words were. I decided that I am done talking, packed a bag, invited a friend  and well…left. I started out on my own, figuring out routes, hotels, the whole deal. Friend joined me in the middle of the ordeal. We were out to simply check out the solar eclipse. No high-tech cameras, no plan, just ourselves and well those crazy looking shades to protect our eyes.

And thats when I realized what a travel buddy did to you. After the eclipse, we took off. We picked any bus which had an interesting destination and boarded it.

We did 1400 kms of travel around Tamil Nadu in four days. Saw back to back movies in state transport buses, stayed in shady hotels, and well just simply went about learning about new places, finding out new things.

I know I could have never done that if I was on my own. Nah, its not about not having someone to share your experiences with. And its not about having someone to yap with. That makes for a nice movie.

Its simply about you getting more adventurous and driving others around you and then being driven to adventure when you feel less in the mood.